It’s okay

“Stop. Look around you, look within yourself, and listen to your heart for once.”

This summer I did a lot of soul searching. I questioned previous decisions, thought of ways to improve, and changed my outlook on life. I realized I needed to be more career oriented, strong, and independent. But most importantly, I needed to live for myself. I needed no one’s approval to do embark on endeavors, or live my life.

I didn’t want drama, and to surround myself with toxic people.I saw this clip of Hillary Duff on The Ellen show and what she said really stuck to me. There was a time in her life where she sat down and thought about who in life was making her better, and who she needed to let go. She later told them face-to-face that she could not be friends with them, and although it was hard, it was the best decision for her. And, I’ve come to realize that if I want to move along life and continue on a path to positivity, I cannot be surrounded by those that demean, gossip, and most importantly hold me down. Being friends on Facebook, and social media are very superficial things to base your friendship off of. They will never be true indicators of how good of friends you are with someone. You know it’s real when you’re not friends with someone in reality, and then you have to part your ways and move forward.

The most important thing I’ve come to learn is that when we put our happiness in other’s, that’s when we lose part of ourselves. That’s the thing that ends up breaking us if something goes wrong. We question ourselves about the pain and wonder if we were the ones that were the cause of it, but that isn’t always the truth. Nice people are the first to get taken advantage of, because people know they can easily hurt them.

So, I focused on myself. I left the pain and hurt behind, and kept myself busy. It’s a very strong thing to come to an understanding with yourself and your goals. If people are putting you down, disrespecting you, and pulling you back from getting ahead, you need to let go. It’s hard, it’s bitchy but distance helps to show how someone truly cares about wanting you in their life.

And after you have lost everything you could possibly lose, you begin to realize that you just really need to start over.  You need to do things for your own happiness whether it means breaking off relationships, pursuing certain goals, and even going on your own spiritual journey. That’s the point where I am right now. I’m still trying to figure myself out, reflecting on past mistakes, and working towards a better spiritual harmony. I want to be content with all that’s around me – my grades, my self (body-image wise), my choices, morals, and decisions. I know the things I will choose for myself will not make a lot of people happy, but at the end, it’s about branching out and liberating yourself. Like Edna Pontellier did in The Awakening, or Miley Cyrus did with well, her life. Learn to live for yourself for a while.


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